A couple of people have asked “What happened to that meeting with the game studio you wrote about?”
SO I may as well slap it on the blog, Lord knows everything else gets slapped on here.
I have just been looking at my older junk.. I write some real weird crap in hindsight...a blog about “Low Self Esteem” (???)
Anyway, what happened was this, it became apparent it was not going to be good for me on a personal level.
I have been dancing to the beat of my own drum for way too long to even consider trying to dance to someone else’s. By that I mean, I got a taste of “having a boss” again and I really didn’t like the experience.
During our written communication leading up to the first informal meeting, I was told I could not bring my business partner from isourcetextures.com as they felt: “It wouldn’t be highly appropriate.”
I totally understand their view point but my problem was I was under the impression this was to be nothing more than a chat about “me”
What I did, where my heart was in terms of what makes me want to get out of the bed in the mornings.
Initially they said they would come to my home town, which I was grateful for and it would be 2 men from the studio.
Over time that changed to me meeting 3 men in some pub in Manchester and on that basis, I felt it was “OK” to have someone who I was involved with from a business level and from my neck of the woods.
It’s not like I was bringing my Mother!
Anyway, as soon as I was told that I could not do something, my feelings went cold.
The initial telephone conversation I had with them it was agreed in writing that I would be working a set amount of hours per month for several incubator studios as a texture artist and that I would attend a few game conventions each year and represent my business, TRU Textures Ltd and would have my own stand with all of the marketing materials for TRU being provided.
That was so exciting to me and obviously a fantastic opportunity for TRU and or iSourceTextures.com
But then, as time went by it went from that, to me being expected to pop on a train when asked, to meet the some of the game studios business partners.
The goal posts kept getting moved.
I am not saying it was all their fault, not at all, because what I discovered in this process was that after 10 years away from the corporate world my self esteem in these situations was poor.
I have worked alone, from my spare bedroom/come office for 5 years and before that I was at home with ill health for 4 years.
The thought of getting a phone call on Monday telling me to “pop on a train to Brighton” the following day to attend a business meeting in a game studio with 10 people scared me to death.
I have lost all of the self confidence I had when I worked in the “real world” many years ago.
I had not realised it until this potential opportunity presented itself.
Plus, it was turning out to be less of the “mutually beneficial business partnership” to more of an “employed position” and even in my last employed position at Cooke Card Marketing in 2001, I was not “managed” in the true sense of the word.
I was the best sales person in the office, made more money than my manager (Who was more like my friend) so I more or less did what I wanted, providing I arrived at 9am, hit my targets, (And I always did) I was pretty much left to my own devices.
That said, I loved the people I worked with back then, it was a laugh and part of my social life was at work and I do miss that.
But it’s too great a leap to make to go from working alone and for myself from my bedroom office to travelling around the country to attend “business meetings” with big corporate companies.
I am sure I would adapt and then look back in hindsight and wonder why I was so worried but at this junction in my life, I am not confident enough to do that.
Whilst I like being my own boss and don’t feel I need supervising, I also know I am dependable, reliable and very self motivated so the thought of working in a team does not concern me at all.
It's working in a team AND travelling around the UK in order to do that, that I can’t seem to face right now.
None of my siblings like working for other people either, they both have their own business...
So thats what happened. I threw away regular stable income and a superb opportunity to increase TRU Textures exposure to its target market because: "I don’t like having a boss and I am too scared to got to “real” meetings”
Make of THAT what you will. I have a nagging feeling that I will be kicking myself in the years to come.